I need to be strong

kelangan kong tibayan ang loob ko para kay God, para sa pamilya at para sa sarili ko. naiinis ako, nakagawa kasi ako ng kasalanan, ngayon sana mapatawad nila ako. Babawi na alng ako. Sana I can make it!^___^

My HEARTLESS fate

Being in love for me is always a “de javu”; you fall in love & give your all, he? just receives, believing he might also feels the same way basing on body language/ instinct/ feel gut/ the special way he treats you. But it always end up into a “beautiful disaster”.

Just like what I felt for Aion (blockmate in CFAD), but I guess it was always my fault. When I found out that he likes me, I started to distant myself on him. I realized now it was a stupid decision, knowing that there might be now an “us”. Back then I thought I only like him because of the thought that he likes me first. I was scared to show my true self to any men that I like.

I tried to change this belief, that on the second one I tried to give everything believing on the love quote “just love without expecting in return”. I totally like this guy because I know he doesn’t just like me but almost love m (or is it just me with a wishful thinking?)

With every song on our wmplayer, I end up memorizing lines that answers the feelings I had for him like this

(When you’re gone- Avril Lavigne)

“I always needed time on my own, I never thought I need you there when I cry, and the days seems years when I’m alone…When you walk away I count the steps that you take, do you see how much I need you right now. When you’re gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you’re gon, the face I came to know is missing too. When you’re gone, the words I need to hear to always get me throught the day and make it ok…I miss you…”

(Beer-Itchyworms)

“Nais kong magpakalasing, dahil wala ka na..”

(I’m missing you- Meja)

“I miss your love, since you’ve been gone, I found it hard to go on…I’m missing you, what can I do, I’m thousand miles away from you…I should be happy in love, but all I know I look deep in my eyes, I’ve never felt so alone, this feeling inside is making my heart cry”

(When will it be me-Yasmeen)

“When will it be me…”

(Realize-Colbie Colbiat)

“Take time to realize, that your warmth is crashing down on me. Take time to realize that I’m on your side…If you just realize, what I just realize, Can we be perfect for each other and we’ll never find another. If you just realize what I just realize, we will never have to wonder if we missed out on each other…”

(You’re my Guardian Angel-The red jumpsuit)

“When I see your smile, tears run down my face, I can’t replace…I can show you I’ll be the one… please don’t walk away, please tell me you’ll stay”

(OO- Up Dharma Down)

“Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo, hanggang ditto na alng ako, nangangarap na mapasayo. Di sinasadya na hanapin ko ang lugar ko, asan nga ba ako? Nalilito, nahihilo, asan nga ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?...”

(Gusto na kitang makita-Session Road)

“Parang ang bagal ng takbo ng panahon pag wala ka alam kong walang dapat sisihin na ako’y nandito at nandyan k. Pero dahil sa malayo ka ako’y nalulungkot lang.. gusto na kitang makita sa mata, gusto na kitang makasama, tayoing dalawa...”

(Mata-Mojofly)

“Kamusta na? Andyan ka pa ba? Wala na yatang ibang magagawa kundi tumawa. Andyan pa ba, mga alalala, ang tanging bagay na naiwan sa ting dalawa”

(Far away- Nickelback)

“I love you, I loved you all along, and I miss you, been far away too far too long.”

(I don’t wanna fall in love- Tonya Mitchell)

“I don’t wanna fall in love, till I fall in love with you…”

And too many to write. I just have to stop my heart for another heartless fate.